In the past.

As I leave this place of work the vibrant warm hues that the girls and I painted in the fuggy dark heat of the post Ivan, still without current, mall, with the company of the Special Forces in their bullet proof vests and touting machine guns, will be just a memory.

T is saving his empty beer bottles, he needs 24, on the grounds that it is cheaper to buy a case. Carib beer has just gone up to $5 E.C. a bottle . My suggestion that this abundance of beer might make for a false, if happy, economy, was met with a puzzled expression!

Time and other stuff

So how is it that at the start of a new project e.g blogging, our enthusiasm for something new powers us to 'keep at it ' and then, unexpectedly, we lose the momentum, something interrupts us and we slide a slippery slope of priorities, until, what we were most animated about suddenly becomes a lesser priority? I don't know the answer to this but I do know the experience, repeatedly, through life, and I refuse, absolutely, to allow this to happen again, here and now!

This is important to me, even if there are distractions, inconsistencies and pitfalls along the way. I must maintain this account of what I now recognise as ' the last chance" episode of my life. This is the time to put into practice all that I have learned, all that I want to learn and all that I can share, there won't be any second chances, if ever there were any, and time is racing ahead of me.

The way I see it , if I am lucky enough to remain in good health, sound of mind and body, I have at the most 20 more years of this little life to do something with. How can I have drifted through it for so long. Admittedly life's currents , karma, have taken me in some interesting places but there comes a time when all of us need to be at the helm of our lives. I'm sure this must seem ridiculous to some people, the fact that at my age, this has never occured to me before, perhaps I thought that I was at the helm but simply didn't realise that I was adrift on a raft made of dreams and the desire to please.

Roadshow is back!

Coming up to carnival the preparations are in progress! The good news is, the local village road shows, that were banned last year and prevented by the police, are being allowed this year, within reasonable hours and areas, and our village held it's first road show today. It was good to see a real cross section of the community enjoying themselves, embracing the culture and unhampered by bad behaviour. We are experiencing an unprecedented amount of youth violence at the moment, "badness out o' style" not being observed by the disaffected youth that so badly need a voice,
positive role models and direction.

Answers are hard to come by but open hearts and minds are always a good starting point.

Humour finds it's way into the most unlikely of places though and it was amusing to see the latest carnival style is to sport as many elastoplast as possible, all feigned injuries hopefully!

The end of this turning point of a week!

Normally, on a Sunday, we go for an early morning hike in the forestry but today we just caught up on housework and washing, weeding and watching things grow. The beans popped up today!

Early night, sweet dreams!

Soul searching?

When you walk on a beach do you keep your head down drawn to the infinite numbers of treasures you might find? Do you scan and search and retrace your footsteps, one more time,for that special glimmer on the periphery of your vision? Is it impossible to resist this urge? Is it the same in the forest, or when you are digging earth in the garden? Shells and stones and seed pods, slivers of polished glass and pottery shards. What is it that we are really searching for?

What is this drive, desire, delight, that we are connected to? There is meaning and magic in what we do.

My daughter's advice.

Recently, my two beautiful daughters came to stay. It has been three years since we have seen one another. Too long. There is a lot more to tell, but this story, of love and laughter, heartache and tears, is not for telling now. My daughters are wonderful women, fun and wise and discerning. I watched them and remembered who I am! Within their duality I caught glimpses of myself. A veil was lifted, a light turned on, a smile returned, how could I have forgotten?

E, told me how she tries to live her life and I asked if she could write it down to remind me.

Early morning

The day begins with yard fowl cock's crow. It gets lighter earlier at this time of year, lying in bed till 6a.m. feels like a terrible waste. Friday, how our lives are punctuated by our 'proper' jobs, the routines that they demand and the purpose that they give us.

I am a mother, a painter, a wife, a dancer, a grandmother, a designer, a daughter, a poet, a sister, an aunt, an actress, a lover, a singer, a friend, a gardener, a cousin, a teacher, a writer,a fighter, a student, a traveller, a maker of things.
This is me- who I really am- really!

Sudden interest?

It took a while for me to realise why the dog was showing a sudden interest in what was going on in the garden. What is my husband T.D. doing? Ah yes, tending our new compost maker-

rabbit!!!

Limbo

The letter of resignation has been written, seeds have been sown and excitement and anticipation are tempered with self doubt. My boss is away until next week and with a month's notice to work through, life is in limbo, or rather half in and half out of where I need to be. Once the negativity is booted out, there remains a solid stream of positive energy that reassures and demands that this time be used well. Just as the garden is in preparation for things to come. so life has to be prepared also!

New beginnings.

Today is the first day of a new life. With no money in the bank and $150.00 E.C. in my pocket, I have decided to resign from my job and do what I should have done years ago.
To 'be your self' is easy to say and most of us know who we are but ,sometimes, it evades us, the time, the money, the lack of support or approval, all serve as delaying or postponing tactics, but my time is now and I can delay no longer and I invite you to join me.