The other day, a Woman from away, who has lived here for some time now and is beginning to think she know everything, but, really she don't know nothing, was cleaning her house from top to bottom. The Woman hate housework so she save it all up to do on a Saturday. She live in a small house so she almost finish, when she hear a loud voice calling from the road outside .
" Hello." "Hello." "HellO O O."
It was a Woman's voice.
The Woman in the House, peep below the curtain that hanging in the doorway.
She see a Large Woman in a large green combat uniform, standing in the road , just in front of a little white van, with the word,
written on it.
Now, where this Woman comes from, if the Police come to your door, it means one of two things;
either somebody dead or they come for you.
She try to smile and say 'good morning' in a nice, 'I innocent,' kind of way, but Large Woman barely allows her to draw breath before she start firing a whole set of questions at her.
LW: "Where your Husband is? He there?"
WIH: "Err" while she thinking, " Oh no, I know the boss short change my Husband yesterday, but he never said nothing 'bout cuffing him)
LW: " Is he in the garden down there?" (gesticulating in the general direction of the garden with her chin.)
WIH: "Err" (she is not accustomed to being interrogated and how Large Woman know where the garden is anyway? Someone must have talked.)
LW: "Does he have his phone with him?"
WIH: "Err, hold on a while"
Pulling herself together and grateful for the suggestion, the Woman In the House goes upstairs to call him, being very glad to see the freshly made bed and the tidy state of the house that fully reflects the honesty of its' law abiding residents.
She calls she Husband.
The phone sings, resoundingly, from his pants pocket which he has left hanging on the bedstead before going to the garden.
She goes back outside.
WIH: "No, ha ha,"( she giggles nervously)," he doesn't have his phone with him."
LW: ( without smiling)" Well, when he come, tell him we going up the road to come back"
and, so saying, Large Woman gets back into the little white van which disappears around the corner, on its' way up the road.
What to do? What to do? The Woman In the House is thinking.
If she call she Husband from the garden now, everyone will know what she calling him for, even though she feels sure that it must be a case of mistaken identity, what if he do something that he just didn't tell her about yet?
"What to do? What to do?"
She goes back to shining the stove. She sweeps and mops the kitchen floor and, while she is standing in the front of the house, waiting for the floor to dry, she see she Husband coming up from the garden.
He smiling and joking with the neighbours like there's all the time in the world.
Just as he reach the house and she open she mouth to tell him what happen , the little van, with POLICE written on the side, comes back down, from up the road, and parks right by their gap.
She go and hide in the kitchen and shines the shining stove.
She can hear Husband talking to Large Woman as if they good friend. Now, she hear how the Police sometimes play 'nice' to get people to talk and she try to catch his eye from behind the curtain to warn him, but he too busy 'makin' joke.'
She continue shining the stove.
Next thing she know, Large Woman and Husband are in the yard behind the house having heated discussion. She glance out of the side window just in time to see Uniformed officer passing round the house to the back yard, closely followed by a Plain Clothes detective, that she glimpses from the next side window, now they surrounded. The discussion in the yard get louder and she can hear Large Woman saying "Yea, there, that one." and Husband saying "No, no, they is young still" and the Woman In the House thinkin 'Oh, no, what them children next door do ?"
Now the backyard is full of POLICE.
After some time, when everyone talking at once, and a lot of thumping noises,
so that the Woman In the House can't make out what anyone saying, she see 'Plain Clothes' passing back up, past the same side window, carrying two big plastic bag, which he take and he put in the little white POLICE van.
"Evidence. Oh shit, shit shit" the Woman In the House thinks, wondering what lawyer to call.
Large Woman, Uniform and Plainclothes all get back in the little white van.
They laughing and joking with Husband and thanking him.
"Oh no, It's worse than I thought. Husband must be INFORMER" thinks the Woman In the House.
She Husband enters the kitchen, smiling.
H: "Wadda you?" seeing the sour expression on Wifey's face.
WIH:"What happen? What the POLICE want?
Hearing the panic in Wifey's voice, Husband laugh out loud.
H: "And they accustomed passing for breadfruit?"